Feeling Overwhelmed

Just need a release a little stress - hope y'all don't mind.

My brother has been caring for our 89 YO mother with Alzheimer's AND his wife who has multiple health issues. They are in FL.

My sister-in-law recently had a stroke and will be in rehab for quite awhile. Understandably my brother is spreading himself pretty thin.

I've given him a TON of resources and even arranged for respite care for mom, but he always turns everything down. I have asked him if I should go there to help. No. I have asked if he needs me to bring mom here (MD).

WELL, today he called and asked me to come get mom. So I have less than 3 weeks to swap my office (currently downstairs) and the guest room (currently upstairs). I'm in the middle of staining doors & door casings and the room needs painting, baseboards. We were going to wait until next year to have ductless a/c installed on that side of the house, but I guess that needs to be done. Anyone wanting to retrofit a/c in an older house and don't want to run ductwork, I wholeheartedly recommend a mini split ductless system.

Other things that need to be arranged: doctors/dentist, banks, reservations for the Auto Train to get me there so I can drive back, get a hitch put on the Escape so I can rent a U-Haul, need an electrician to fix some neglected outlet & switch problems in that room. The reason I need to drive her up here . . . she's lost all of her IDs so she can't fly!

Needless to say, I'm pretty overwhelmed - it's 3 AM & I'm still awake. And of course, hubby's not here (thankfully we already discussed bringing her here). The good thing is he's earning extra $$$ so that I can afford all of this (thank you Lord) AND have someone come in to professionally clean before she arrives.

I will gladly accept all prayers for peace & emotional/physical strength for my family during this time of transition. Also pray that when I put out the call for assistance, that my church family will have the time to be able to help.

Thanks,
Kim

P.S. On a brighter note . . . the garden is doing well.

Kim, Your wish is our command. Understandably you have been handed a significant challenge. You made good things happen very smoothly on TV and will here too.

Kim, you have all my prayers for your mother and for you and your family. My mom had alzheimers and at the same time, my dad had cancer. Even though he suffered, he was able to at least keep an eye on mom and do things up till the last year. I took care of both of them for many years and I know how overwhelming it can be. I was only 34 at the time, single and with 2 small children. Plus, I worked full time from midnight to 8am. It's not impossible, but it's very hard. I think one of the hardest parts for me was that my parents didn't want to go into a nursing home. Even when they needed to, dad refused. I didn't have any church or other family assistance. My house is too small for a wheel chair, so they lived in their home which is an hour from where I live. Seemed like my life was such a whirl wind all the time.

That was 20 years ago. I'm not sorry that fell on my shoulders though. They took care of me when I needed every thing, I was happy to give back. I'm just saying, I know what your going through and if you need to talk to somebody, you can always PM me. I may not be able to help much, but some times, just talking helps relieve some stress.

Hugs, Nikki

Thanks for those who posted here & PMed me.

In the light of day, and with a list of things to accomplish in a short amount of time, I'm feeling MUCH better. It was great to go to church and get hugs, prayers & offers of help.

Instead of "overwhelmed" I think I'm just a bit "daunted" by the task now.

Thoughts and Prayers from Branson!

RC

You are a good daughter. How nice it is that you have the space and a loving husband who understands how important family is. I know it will be a long row to hoe but it sounds like you have many people to help and support you in this. Accept their offers of help and do not feel, as your brother apparently did, that you must do this alone. Love and light to you and yours.

BREATHE!! Everything will be just fine.

Hang in there, we are thinking of you.

I'm glad you're feeling a little less stressed.

We went through the same thing with my Mom for years before she passed away. This is such a horrible disease. Treasure each good moment you have with your Mom.

I've prayed that God will provide strength for your journey through this valley.

Betty

Kim, that is really great that you and your husband are able to take your Mom in! It sounds like your brother was being pulled in all directions.
I hope your mother transitions well to her new home. My grandmother moved in with my parents when her disease started to progress too far to be on her own any longer. Unfortunately, she kept escaping every time someone wasn't watching her. (so, an 84 yr old woman just walking down a busy road trying to get "home"). It was scary. I'll be thinking of you and your family.

I can't relate to that kind of stress, yet. I honestly hope I don't have to. But, after our middle child was diagnosed with autism 7 years ago, we felt a bit overwhelmed, too.

I think it's true what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have more tolerance and compassion today as a result. You will also take a leap forward and probably be thankful in some way....some day.

Try to relax, pace yourself, and keep a list. Just start crossing things off one by one. It's a huge help for me to watch things get crossed off as I plow ahead. Thoughts and prayers from all of us are with you.

I think I speak for everyone here when I say we ALL wish you the best going forward. Like Jennie has spoken of, maybe your garden becomes your oasis, too. Use whatever tools you have available to take care of yourself. Without a healthy YOU, there will be no more family to take care of. Don't forget that YOU are very important in this, too. Find time to take care of YOU as impossible as it may sound at the moment.

Kim, I wish you and your family the best as you deal with the changes in your lives. I think it's absolutely normal and to be expected that there will be some mourning for the life you lived before your mother came to stay. Don't beat yourself up about feeling some resentment at the changes you'll be undergoing - any human being would feel that sometimes.

Take what help you can get to let you have some time away - you're just going to have to have some time away from the situation on occasion to maintain your sanity. But it is so good of you and your family to do this and I know you will always be glad you helped your mother when she needed it.

Prayers and good thoughts for all involved.

I put out a call for help on Facebook & someone has been here to help at least a couple hours every day.

The "problem" is that we had renovations done & I was waiting for my husband to come home to "finish" everything (moving furniture back, painting, cleaning, etc.). The house truly is a disaster.

We've made a TON of progress in just a couple of days:

My office is now upstairs (although not put together). Mom's room (the former office) and the hallway are freshly painted. A friend came over today & worked on the windows in mom's room, cleaned the fridge and even "put together" and vacuumed the living room (as a treat for me). The living/dining room is almost taped in preparation for paint.

I've found homes for 2 large pieces of furniture and tomorrow the old washer goes. LOL I boldly asked the gal that's coming to get the washer if she'll take me, the broken dryer & old twin beds (not worth giving away) to the dump tomorrow. She said yes.

Friends have even told me that they will take mom periodically to give me a break.

My dentist & my old doctor (who is also a geriatrician) both take her insurance & are taking new patients. The doctor is only 3 blocks away and he has a cardiologist in his practice whom I have also seen in the past.

My a/c guy will install the air conditioning next week and the hitch will be put on hubby's car on the 21st. The price of the Auto Train tickets are lower than expected and the U-Haul trailer is also reasonable.

I am humbled at the amount of support I've received. Keep up the prayers, they are priceless!

Well, the UPS guy just delivered mom's new TV stand. Gotta go!

Kim

ksroman wrote:

I've found homes for 2 large pieces of furniture and tomorrow the old washer goes. LOL I boldly asked the gal that's coming to get the washer if she'll take me, the broken dryer & old twin beds (not worth giving away) to the dump tomorrow. She said yes.

I am humbled at the amount of support I've received. Keep up the prayers, they are priceless!

Kim

So happy at all the help you are getting. The majority of people are good people, and it is at a time like this that you find out.

I hope your friend taking you and the other stuff to the dump will return you to your home. You are needed.

LOL even if she leaves me at the dump, it's only about 3 miles away.

Besides, I just found out her 3 children will be coming with us, so my son & I will be following her in my car.

Well mom's move is going amazingly well.

I took the Auto Train down to FL, and, since I found enough stuff to identify her, I can go back on the Auto Train with her so I don't have to drive the 1000+ miles! It was going to be a LONG trip stuck in an enclosed space with her for 3-4 days (we'd have to go quite slow & take a lot of stops - she will be 90 in 3 months).

The best part is that she's looking forward to the move, so she keep packing thing up. "Mom, we're not leaving until Monday, you'll need to keep that handy." (a dozen times at least).

We've gotten all the change of addresses done, and I'll receive snail mail from Social Security which is the last thing I need to get a Maryland ID card for her! Hooray! She'll be "legal" again soon.

LOL some things I never expected to hear . . . "Where are Debbie Reynolds and Ronald Reagan?" (the autographed photos, not the people). "They're in a box in the car, Mom." (also at least a dozen times)

Please keep the prayers coming - they sure are working.

Thanks,
Kim

First of all, I'm really glad to hear things are going well with your mom. Second, this auto train thing sounds AMAZING (I had to look it up). East coast people get all the perks. ;o) Safe travels!

I am new to SFG Forum, so don't know the whole story. Sounds like you are involved with the latest craze....and I do mean CRAZE....caregiving for parents! My mother-in-law has moved in with us at 90+...it has been 8 mos now, and she is still living! The OH cold and increasing fees at her independent living ghetto helped her make the decision to move to SC with us. The two things that give her joy are the miniature poodle we are dog-sitting, and our garden. She will sit for hours at a time in the shade on our deck just watching the birds, butterflies and bugs and all the waving plants and flowers! I have lots of various sunflowers that "speak" to her! In the midst of much confusion and memory loss, the garden is something she can interact with and not be puzzled!



Overwhelmed is how mdh and I feel most days. Fear of the dying experience, constant "demands" for this and that....and worrying about pills, now , then, and later....wondering if you will ever have any time to yourselves....I totally get it! I am so grateful that garden tasks call me with insistence that can be seen! And of course, there is a kind of peace there, regardless of the small battles waged.



God bless you, please!

Happy that things seem to be going well with you mom's move. You must have worked very hard to get as much done as you have.



My thoughts will be with you on Monday for a safe journey.



Also, like jazzymom's mom, you will find some peace with your garden. I can attest to that as I found so much peace in my garden when I had to care for my DBH.

Kim, thank goodness for the auto-train. It does make life easier when you don't have to drive all those miles by yourself to get to your Mom. I am sure it is with relief that you found enough ID for her so you could make the trip back with your Mom in the comfort of the auto-train too.

Remember to take care of yourself too. I'm very glad you have some support nearby.

Just know we are thinking about you and wishing you the very best.

Just wanted to give a quick update.

We got to Maryland last Tuesday. The trip on the Auto Train went well. The "roomette" (converts into upper & lower bunks) across the aisle from us was empty, so the steward graciously gave us both bottom bunks. I told him that was great since I didn't think I'd be able to boost mom up that far.

We've had our ups & down. Today when I hung her family photos she seemed to realize that she was going to be STAYING here. She was mad because she thinks she can live on her own (NOT DO-ABLE AT ALL). On the bright side when I had finished hanging the photos, shadow boxes, etc. she said, "Are you sure you want all of these up here? After all they're MY family." I didn't say anything but chuckled to myself . . . So they're not MY family? Was I adopted?

My cousins in up-state NY are helping me plan her 90th birthday party in November.

BTW, our decisions to move mom came just in time. Late last week my brother was told that my sister-in-law is getting out of the rehab facility tomorrow. He had to scramble to get a hospital bed, lift, etc.

Thanks everyone!

Kim

So glad to hear you and Mom made it home safely. How wonderful that the steward allowed you to use both bottom bunks. That must have been a great help.

Having cared for my Mom, I can appreciate what you have been going thru. Once your Mom is truly settled, perhaps things will be a bit easier for both of you. I know you will be glad when Hubby comes home too.

It is especially nice that your friends have been able to assist you in getting ready for Mom. Don't forget to ask for help so you can have some time to take care of yourself too.

Hope your sister in law does well, now that she is about to be back in her own home in FL.

Good thoughts coming your way.

Furbalsmom wrote:
It is especially nice that your friends have been able to assist you in getting ready for Mom. Don't forget to ask for help so you can have some time to take care of yourself too.

Hope your sister in law does well, now that she is about to be back in her own home in FL.

Good thoughts coming your way.

+1 I know it's not easy but we love our family and Moms most of all. You are a wonderful daughter. Thoughts of love coming your way for you and your family.