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Post  Kelejan on 6/16/2018, 6:26 pm

Has anyone found a relative by using the services of Ancestry DNA testing?

Some time ago I sent a specimen and had a reply saying that I had about 160 third or fourth cousins.  Then later an update saying I had over 300 3rd or 4th cousins.

Finally about three weeks ago I had the information that I had a first cousin which meant that we shared a grandfather or a grandmother.

We found out that we shared the same grandfather, that our two fathers were brothers and that the son of one of them was my half-brother.  My new cousin Susan got in touch with him and he was happy to connect with we, so I wrote to him and his reply came early this morning when I checked my email at about three in the morning.

His reply made me cry buckets, he was so welcoming. We are going to get to know one another, and most probably meet in London some time next year. He wants to know every detail of my life and he will tell me his.  He said he felt so full of joy that  I am the sister he never had, but felt so angry that he missed that special connection that a brother and sister had who grew up together .

It has been a tumultuous three weeks since I answered that first post to say that I had a first cousin, to finding a brother who wants to know me.
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Post  AtlantaMarie on 6/17/2018, 6:28 am

Oh, my.... How WONDERFUL, Kelejan! I'm so happy for you!!!!
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Post  BlackjackWidow on 6/17/2018, 11:02 am

How exciting! So happy that you have connected. Amazing, some of the stories that have come out of these genetic tests.
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Post  Kelejan on 6/17/2018, 2:14 pm

@BlackjackWidow wrote:How exciting! So happy that you have connected. Amazing, some of the stories that have come out of these genetic tests.

Thank you Marie and BjW.  I am one of the lucky ones that is having a happy ending, but I do wonder about the possible sadness  when it goes wrong, especially with younger families.  My brother and I are pretty ancient so therefore what happened in the past does not affect the current generations. We are not embarrassing our parents or even our uncles and aunts.  I did not pursue this until my own mother had passed away and through the Internet I knew that my own father had died at the age of fifty and his wife has also died although as yet I do not know the exact year.  Their older son also died at the age of fifty so there is just this one son left and he is two years younger than I am.

We connected through our cousin, who is an only child herself and delighted to find a new cousin and she has passed on a lot of the information I gave her about my life, but there is still a lot for him to learn.  He is going to tell me all about the family and about himself.  He has already sent me three photographs.
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Post  BlackjackWidow on 6/18/2018, 11:02 am

Kelejan - I know what you mean, sometimes people find out things they weren't expecting and maybe didn't want to know. And certainly could cause turmoil in others' lives. I'm just so happy for you that in your case, it's a happy, joyful discovery. 

I watched a tv report about a couple of women who found out they had been switched at birth. I'm not sure I'd want to know that (although, I always thought I was adopted while I was growing up  Razz) https://www.kare11.com/article/news/at-72-two-women-learn-they-were-switched-at-birth/89-563076528
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Post  Scorpio Rising on 6/18/2018, 5:52 pm

That is soooo cool!!!  Wow!  How amazing that you have reconnected with family that you didn’t know were even out there!!!  Good for you!  ALL!
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Post  trolleydriver on 6/18/2018, 9:03 pm

Through Facebook I recently connected with family I did not know I had. I was an only child all my life, never knew my natural father and had a stepfather who was the very best. Through Facebook I have connected with a half-sister and three half-brothers.  There was a second half-sister who has passed away. Hope to make a trip to the UK for a special face to face gathering with my new found family.

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Post  Kelejan on 6/19/2018, 3:22 am

TD, I know how happy that must make you.  I am so glad that our world no longer shuns the sons and daughters who through no fault of their own were disconnected from family.

I am now looking forward to making deeper family connections as time goes on. In the past, never would I have thought I would get this far unless I had spent a lot of money hiring researchers to work for me. That was on my bucket list if I ever won the lottery, which would have been hard to do seeing as I don't buy lottery tickets.
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Post  trolleydriver on 6/19/2018, 8:17 am

@Kelejan wrote:TD, I know how happy that must make you.  I am so glad that our world no longer shuns the sons and daughters who through no fault of their own were disconnected from family.

I am now looking forward to making deeper family connections as time goes on. In the past, never would I have thought I would get this far unless I had spent a lot of money hiring researchers to work for me. That was on my bucket list if I ever won the lottery, which would have been hard to do seeing as I don't buy lottery tickets.
+1

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Post  BlackjackWidow on 6/19/2018, 9:18 am

@Kelejan wrote:TD, I know how happy that must make you.  I am so glad that our world no longer shuns the sons and daughters who through no fault of their own were disconnected from family.

I am now looking forward to making deeper family connections as time goes on. In the past, never would I have thought I would get this far unless I had spent a lot of money hiring researchers to work for me. That was on my bucket list if I ever won the lottery, which would have been hard to do seeing as I don't buy lottery tickets.
+2
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Post  Kelejan on 8/5/2018, 2:24 am

A short update:  things are going wonderfully well between us and I am still feeling that I am walking air and although I was contented with my life, this has brought me a whole new dimension. 

I get on well with members of my maternal family but they are a large family and with me living in Canada I have only been able to visit a few of them in 2000.

With this paternal side, there are so few close relatives that I think everyone is so pleased to have an extra member along.  The family name will be gone in a generation as the four brothers with that name, my father among them, two of them had no children, one had two sons + myself, and the last one had my cousin Susan. Of my two brothers, one died at 50 with no issue, and my brother David had the one girl. That means that there is only on person, David, with the family name.

This mirrors the maternal side with one of the surnames; four brothers and one girl.
One brother died in France in WWI, another never married, a third one had no children and the fourth one produced a girl, the mother of my mother.
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Post  sanderson on 8/5/2018, 3:32 pm

Ancestry is complicated. In my maternal family, the female mitochondrial DNA stops with our sons as our daughters will probably never have children. One the paternal side, the family names are middle names for the boys. Period. It's a good thing that being a Thurston Howell III is no longer as important to most of us. Wink

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Post  Kelejan on 8/30/2018, 12:23 am

Another three weeks+ has gone by and my brother David and I are thoroughly enjoying getting to know one another.  It feels to me that we are two sides of the same coin;  it is uncanny how much we have in common.

It would have been so good to have grown up together as I  know we would have been good friends, but then I cannot discount my foster family Mum and Dad who loved me and the two foster bothers who always treated me with so much love. Luckily David is happy that I did have those two brothers in my life .  Now all the members of that family have passed on so I am lucky to have this new found brother in my life.

David has told his wife Annie, his daughter Jacquie and his grandson James about me and they are all so are happy for us, and David thinks his daughter will be emailing me in time.

Meanwhile our cousin Susan and her husband Colin are updating the family tree.  Another good thing is that because of me Susan renewed a closer tie with her only remaining uncle David, as it had got to the point where they only exchanged Christmas cards.

David and I have exchanged shortened versions of our lives to start with, and we are working our way through the early years and so far he knows about the  0-6 years  me and from him I have 0 - 9., so he is slightly ahead of me.  In between we are telling each other about our current lives.  You all will be pleased to know that I have given SFG a star billing as this Forum means so much to me in my life.

That's all for now, folks.  I love you
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Post  sanderson on 8/31/2018, 2:07 am

I'm so happy for you. Very moving narrative. Sad

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Post  bluelacedredhead on 8/31/2018, 10:05 am

@Kelejan wrote:TD,  I am so glad that our world no longer shuns the sons and daughters who through no fault of their own were disconnected from family.

I am now looking forward to making deeper family connections as time goes on. In the past, never would I have thought I would get this far unless I had spent a lot of money hiring researchers to work for me. That was on my bucket list if I ever won the lottery, which would have been hard to do seeing as I don't buy lottery tickets.

Congrats to Both Kelejan and TrolleyDriver for your success at connecting with Birth Family. I belong to 3 or 4 DNA/Adoption groups online and see many Happy reunions/meetings these days! 

I was adopted at a month of age. I was fortunate to grow up in a family where I was very much loved by people who had tried for many years to have children of their own and then decided to adopt. They adopted a boy first, then me. My older brother has no desire to find his birth family. My Sister in Law has encouraged him to do so but he refuses. And for 60+ years I had no desire to find the people who gave me up for adoption. 

But in 2016, someone got me wondering if there was family out there looking for me, so I went to the online registry for Adoptees in Ontario and applied for my birth records as well as giving permission for contact. 
I received my records quickly and found an obit for my birth mother online. But no birth father listed (as happens often). 
After 8 months, I posted on one of the DNA groups on Facebook with my birth name and my birth mother's name. Within 20 minutes, I had a reply from a 1st cousin on her side. I have two half brothers on my maternal side, but a year later, she is still the only one who wants anything to do with me. 

I did a DNA test at Christmas 2017. I found a Close Family Member, a Half Sis or a 1st cousin on the Paternal side. It's so close that Ancestry has since changed her status to 1st cousin, yet GEDmatch says she's my Half Sister! Her father is deceased as are all of his brothers, so there is no one to ask . My Half sis and I have met and we correspond about once a month. She was kind enough to print family pictures out for me to have records of my biological grandparents and the man we believe to be my birth father. 

It's been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me but I think it was worth the stress. I have done a family tree and it is remarkably similar to my Adoptive family not only in ethnicity but in geographical proximity! But more importantly, I have Health info, some of which is genetic and will help guide me with dietary and lifestyle choices as I age.
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Post  Kelejan on 8/31/2018, 12:51 pm

Bluelacedredhead:  I doubt there are many complete successes like am having.  When my cousin offered to introduce me to my half-brother I am not sure if I could have managed it all by myself and I was completely overwhelm by the reception I received.  I could not believe it.

If it had been a large family, perhaps I would have been accepted by some, but I was lucky that my brother had always wanted a sister and to find someone like me  coming out of almost nowhere must have blown his mind; as he said  his mind was in a whirl for two days before he wrote to me. Perhaps losing our father at the age of 50 years, followed by losing his brother at the same age must have made a difference in his feelings of finding the sister he always wanted. Naturally, his mother has gone, just as my mother has.

We are emailing almost every day, knowing that his little family of wife, daughter and grandson are happy for us is the icing on the cake. He is very protective of his family and I am happy to be included.

I wonder if my friends, here where I live, have noticed the difference in me, as I am certainly feeling happier that I have a family who are so welcoming.  My maternal side have so many members that sometimes I do feel a little lost in the crowd.

Most mornings when I wake I switch on the PC and check my email and am seldom disappointed.  Next week I will have to be patient, as he will be away with his grandson who is a racing driver and he is his manager.  No time for anything else until that is over as it takes the better part of the week. Traveling to the racing circuit, registering, safely checks, practicing, qualifying then the race itself then returning home to catch up all the domestic stuff that needs seeing to. Luckily his wife and daughter live only a few minutes from each other so that eases his mind.

Well, we have a long weekend here in Canada so as I have no obligations this time, I will continue to look for photos, letters  and diaries to continue my life story, and also to get in some much-needed gardening now it is cooler and a lot of the smoke from forest fires is getting less. Gotta keep on topic, this IS a gardening forum. Very Happy
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Post  bluelacedredhead on 8/31/2018, 12:56 pm

Kelejan, Researching your family is akin to gardening, afterall, they do call them Family Trees!  

Have a Great Labour Day weekend! We won tickets to the Ti-Cat game against the Argos Smile and yes, I'm sure I'll find some time for the Veggies and Seed Saving as well.
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Post  trolleydriver on 8/31/2018, 1:18 pm

Earlier this year I searched online for and found my birth father's children in the UK. My mom and birth dad divorced when I was very young. I had an absolutely wonderful step father.  I was an only child but now I have found that I have two half sisters (one deceased) and three half brothers. I am in daily contact with my new found sister and one of the brothers.

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Post  bluelacedredhead on 8/31/2018, 1:32 pm

TrolleyDriver, 

How Wonderful for You!  May you continue to build a relationship with your half siblings.
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Post  Kelejan on 8/31/2018, 2:26 pm

@trolleydriver wrote:Earlier this year I searched online for and found my birth father's children in the UK. My mom and birth dad divorced when I was very young. I had an absolutely wonderful step father.  I was an only child but now I have found that I have two half sisters (one deceased) and three half brothers. I am in daily contact with my new found sister and one of the brothers.

TD, I hope you have as wonderful a relationship as I am having.  I love you
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Post  Kelejan on 8/31/2018, 2:28 pm

@bluelacedredhead wrote:Kelejan, Researching your family is akin to gardening, afterall, they do call them Family Trees!  

Have a Great Labour Day weekend! We won tickets to the Ti-Cat game against the Argos Smile and yes, I'm sure I'll find some time for the Veggies and Seed Saving as well.

So long as they don't call us the Family Weeds.

Enjoy your game, I am assuming you support the Ti-Cats so I will think of you when I see the results on TV.
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Post  bluelacedredhead on 8/31/2018, 2:29 pm

Yes, CAts! Thanks!
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Post  Kelejan on 8/31/2018, 2:42 pm

@bluelacedredhead wrote:Yes, CAts! Thanks!
 I don't really care for team sports but I will cheer for you as I will check the score.
You have a great time there.  Are you going as  a family?
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Post  Kelejan on 12/3/2018, 11:35 am

Three months since I posted on this thread and everything is still going very well.  Tentative plans for visiting.  Most likely my brother David will visit here first as I am still in the midst of retrieving my Canadian citizenship papers prior to getting a passport. It will take some months apparently. 

Meanwhile I am still downsizing my home and getting rid of tons of stuff that I should have done before now. (See the thread; Home Made Christmas Gifts).

Any time I think of buying things, I make a very careful decision based on what could happen in the coming years.  There is a possibility that i will return to England to live as I no longer have my husband's family around as all those of our generation have gone and the only family I have are my birth family of my mother, and now the birth family of my father, all who live in England.  I know many on my mother's side now, and living in England I would get to know everyone so much better. Even if I only visit, my new brother David has said he will take me wherever I want to go to visit them  He is based near London and our cousin lives in Yorkshire where many of my sister's family live so I am looking forward to that possibly next Fall.
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Post  FeedMeSeeMore on 12/3/2018, 4:52 pm

@Kelejan wrote:Has anyone found a relative by using the services of Ancestry DNA testing?

Yes. My husband did at age 70 after growing up as a very lonely single adopted child in a 40 room house in Chicago.

I watched him search nearly obsessively for the last 10 years at least. A lot of dead ends. A lot of 3rd, 4th 5th cousins popped up. Then one day it happened. A possible 1/2 brother popped up. DH was absolutely elated. Turns out, the wife of this half brother was not elated to say the least and it was she would bought her husband a DNA kit for his birthday. Guess she was looking for royalty or fame.  He visited them once and while the 1/2 brother was cordial, it was clear that would be the end. You know; when the queen is happy there is peace in the kingdom and so it goes.
So while interesting, the first hit turned into a big dud.


And BTW, 123 & Me gives closer matches or at least more detailed. He started with Ancestry and now keeps up with both.

To make a very, very long story short:

His search was originally for who the heck his birth mother was. Not only did we find her (passed on in 1999), we found the birth father (deceased) as well. Turns out my husband had about ten siblings. About seven of them were adopted out. Many of them passed away already, however one half sister was also overjoyed to have found genetic family and they have remained close. She's 87 and looks and acts many years younger and led a very good life. She's ALL there mentally, too. So he has nieces and nephews, etc. and finally his own extended family.


His other living half brother in Texas is 80 and at hospice in the last stages of alzheimers. DH has ended up being a big moral support for his wife and they stay in close touch. So, he just missed that relationship possibility. It was this half brother and his wife who provided more pictures of family than he could have ever hoped for along with the saga of it all and let me tell you it was something else! We did end up with a picture of his real mother pregnant with my husband according to the date on the picture and two of the other brothers.


It's been very interesting to actually see the physical characteristics and mannerisms in another person that are unmistakable confirmations. I, personally have learned that many personality traits,  tastes and mannerisms are not necessarily environmental.


His one full brother (that we know of) also passed on years ago.


Although my husband grew up with a lot of resentment towards his adoptive parents who were emotionally absent in a lot of ways, he now views his past with much, much more gratitude for the opportunities they provided for him. The lives of the children his birth mother kept were extremely tough and that's putting it mildly. All who were adopted that we know of lived comfortable lives financially at least. There are still from one to three siblings that to date are unaccounted for regarding what happened to them or where they might be.
My husband was most likely her last child.
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